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I RULE
Well once again I'm a working man. And no, I don't mean the kind that turns tricks on the corner for people with long, greasy, kentucky waterfalls. I'm entering the world of sales and I think by the end of this I'll be able to sell a fridge to an Inuit. As I explained already my boss seems pretty cool... like the kind of guy who takes his employees to strip clubs in mexico all on the company budget.
This page will be dedicated to the rants I will surely aquire as the journey that is my life unfolds. Challenges met and challenges
overcome. And carnies I have to step on along the way.
Finally a chance to wear a suit all day and use big words like "downsized" eg. "Sean you've just been downsized" Please release that claw hammer and leave without a fuss ASAP"
Well I'm wondering what having a "real" job (ahem b.k. landscaping)
is gonna be like. I've seen the tv image of work with like all these crazy adventures and good times and hot coworkers. I want a piece of that magic.
Hopefully I'll make some thick stacks and then roll in a overpriced Italian import. When I return
to PG for Xmas I will then take my expensive auto and cruise for easy sluts. First Stop College Heights. ahahah
The Truthful Interview
Well this is how most job interviews would go if people really were as "honest" as they claim to be.
Interviewer - So why should we hire you?
Interviewee - Well you really shouldn't. I'm lazy and surely and I will probably give you sass mouth behind your back that would make Andrew Dice Clay blush. And by the way, nice face...what are you gonna do when the baboon wants its ass back?
I (I reliezed that both my subtitles start with "I" so you'll have to make like Scooby Doo and piece the puzzle together to see who is talking...word is those with IQs over 60 have no problem) -
So why do you want to work for this company?
I- Well it's really nothing special. A job's a job in my books. I more or less need money to drink my liver to mush and pay for petroleum distillate. Pay me enough and I'll walk barefoot through hell.
I- Have you ever had a disagreement with your boss? If so how did you deal with it?
I- Well yes I punched him in the teeth once. He was a fucking douche bag on a power trip, and if you ask me he got off lightly. You should see the number I did on his car. IT AIN'T PRETTY NO MORE HEY OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
*extend arm for high 5 with interviewer*
I- Give an example of a time you worked under pressure and how did you perform?
I- Well after 16 shots at the local tavern a local bar fly chick wanted to engage in intercourse... I couldn't get it up for the life of me. I didn't perform well to say the least but I got off, so no questions asked.
I- Do you mind if I contact your previous employer?
I- Don't call him.... ever...
I- How did you interact with the other employees?
I- Well at my landscaping job I met joe joe the idiot circus boy. He seemed quite content to put on a three ring circus presentation for 2 bits and a smack in the head. I also met a half women/half whale hybrid who used a skateboard to transport her multiple metric tonne ass around. As well as various high-school dropouts with BRIGHT futures
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